I understand how that sounds coming from a blogger who utilizes social media and is basically building an entire platform around being real, but hear me out.
I had a very close friend who took themselves off social media for a while. When I asked why, they told me that social media always made them feel bad about themselves.
I couldn't fathom that.
This is someone I love dearly. Someone I look up to. Someone whose opinion I value. In my mind, this person is absolutely priceless. I couldn't wrap my head around how they could look at other people's lives online and come away feeling like they weren't enough.
But after some time and a little self-reflection, I get it.
Because I feel that way sometimes, too.
And it looks amazing.
I'm happy for them. I really am. When someone I care about accomplishes something they've worked for, I want to celebrate that with them.
But sometimes, right alongside that happiness, there is this tiny little feeling of inadequacy.
Not necessarily because I don't want them to have those things. Maybe it's jealousy. Maybe it's comparison. Maybe it's wondering why I haven't accomplished some of the things they have.
Because we're comparing our everyday life to someone else's best moments.
You're sitting at home in yesterday's sweatpants, looking at someone's pictures from Italy.
You're stressing about the mortgage payment while someone else is posting the keys to their second house.
You're trying to get three loads of laundry folded while someone else is posting their perfectly decorated home.
You're exhausted from work and parenting and making dinner, and someone else appears to have figured out how to work out at 5 a.m., meal prep, run a business, travel, keep an immaculate house, and still have time for a cute little charcuterie board on a Tuesday night.
Before you change your life because you think everyone else has figured theirs out, remember what you're actually looking at.
A picture.
A post.
A 30-second video.
A carefully chosen handful of moments.
You don't know what happened before the picture was taken. You don't know what happened after. You don't know what their finances look like, what they sacrificed to get there, what they are struggling with privately, or whether they even feel as happy as they look.
Maybe that once-in-a-lifetime trip really is exactly what it looks like. Maybe they saved for years and are having the time of their life.
Or maybe that trip came after a failed engagement, a breakup, the loss of someone they loved, or finally getting out of a long-term relationship that wasn't healthy for them.
You don't know.
And that's the point.
You don't have enough information to compare your life to theirs.
You don't know how many times that photo-perfect family vacation ended with everyone losing their tempers with each other. Travel is stressful. Being out of your routine, spending money, navigating airports, dealing with tired kids, and being around the same people 24 hours a day can bring out the worst in anybody.
You don't see the argument that happened twenty minutes before the picture.
You don't see the toddler melting down in the hotel room.
You don't see the credit card bill when the vacation is over.
You see the sunset.
And there's nothing wrong with posting the sunset.
The problem is when we start believing those things represent someone's entire life.
Social media has normalized things that really aren't normal: faking luxury, constant overconsumption, manic productivity, filters and editing presented as reality, unrealistic beauty standards, and glorifying burnout.
We're seeing people who seemingly never stop working and calling them inspirational.
We're seeing homes that look like nobody actually lives in them and deciding our own homes are failures.
We're seeing bodies that have been filtered, posed, edited, or carefully photographed and using them as a standard for what our bodies should look like.
We're watching people constantly buy more, do more, accomplish more, travel more, and experience more, and then wondering why our own lives feel small.
Real people have messy houses.
They get tired.
They lose their patience.
They have arguments with their spouses.
Their kids have meltdowns.
They sometimes eat cereal for dinner.
They have credit card bills.
They get overwhelmed.
They have days where they accomplish absolutely nothing.
They have dreams they haven't reached yet.
And none of that means they're failing.
So if you find yourself scrolling through social media and feeling like everyone else is living a better, more exciting, more successful life than you are, put the phone down for a minute.
Look around at your actual life.
Not the life you think you should have.
Not the life someone else is posting.
Your life.
Because you are looking at one carefully selected piece of someone else's story and using it to judge the entire story of your own.
And that's not a fair comparison.
You don't need to have their house, their vacation, their body, their degree, their career, their wedding, or their perfectly photographed Tuesday night.
You just need to remember that what you're seeing is a moment.
Not the whole life.
What to Do When Social Media Starts Making You Feel Bad
Sometimes the answer isn't to delete every social media app forever.
Sometimes you just need a break.
And taking a break from social media doesn't have to mean announcing your departure with a dramatic post, deleting every account you've ever made, and moving to a cabin in the woods.
You can simply… stop scrolling for a while.
If you notice that you're consistently leaving social media feeling worse than you did when you opened it, that's probably worth paying attention to.
Start by noticing how you feel.
Before you decide what to do, pay attention to what happens when you use social media.
Do you feel inspired?
Connected?
Entertained?
Or do you feel anxious, inadequate, jealous, overwhelmed, or like you're somehow falling behind?
You don't have to convince yourself that social media is "bad." You just have to be honest about whether it's currently good for you.
Give yourself some space.
A social media break can look however you want it to.
You could:
- Delete the apps from your phone for a weekend.
- Take a week off from scrolling.
- Stay off social media after a certain time at night.
- Give yourself a social-media-free Sunday.
- Log out of the accounts you tend to mindlessly check.
- Move social media apps off your home screen.
- Turn off notifications.
- Stop checking your phone first thing in the morning.
- Take a break from posting while still checking messages.
- Keep one platform you genuinely enjoy and step away from the rest.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Clean up your feed.
You also don't have to leave social media to make your social media experience better.
Mute accounts that consistently make you feel bad. I admit I do this all the time to people and pages.
Unfollow accounts that make you compare your body, home, marriage, parenting, finances, career, or accomplishments to theirs.
Follow people who make you laugh.
Follow people who teach you something.
Follow people who make you feel understood.
And remember: muting someone isn't mean.
You don't have to dislike someone to decide that seeing their content every day isn't good for you.\
Replace the habit.
This one matters.
If you remove social media without replacing the habit of reaching for your phone, you may find yourself opening the app out of muscle memory five minutes later.
Instead, give yourself something else to reach for.
Read a few pages of a book.
Watch an episode of something you've been putting off.
Take a walk.
Take a shower.
Play a game with your kids.
Sit outside.
Text a friend.
Listen to music.
Go to bed earlier.
Or, honestly, sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing for ten minutes.
You don't have to turn your social media break into a productivity challenge.
Remember that you can come back.
Taking a break doesn't have to be permanent.
You aren't failing if you decide you enjoy social media and want to use it again.
The goal isn't necessarily to become the person who never uses social media.
The goal is to be able to use it without letting it convince you that your life isn't enough.
Because your life doesn't become less valuable because someone else's looks exciting online.
You can be happy for someone else's vacation and still love your own weekend at home.
You can admire someone's house and still be grateful for yours.
You can celebrate someone's career while still being proud of the work you're doing.
You can look at someone's beautiful family photo without deciding that your own family isn't doing enough.
And you can close the app.
You don't have to keep looking at something that makes you feel bad just because everyone else is doing it.
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is put the phone down, look around at the life you're actually living, and remember:
This is real, too.
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